
Unlike many, I havenât had anxiety for âas long as I can remember.â Actually, for a long time, I was certain my mannerisms and behaviors were simply âquirksâ that made me a little different from the norm. I hope you can feel the sarcasm when I now look back and think, ânewsflash: those quirks were symptoms, genius.â
I didnât parade those quirks around, because I knew I wasnât special. I had two people in my life who have their own idiosyncratic gifts, some of which were passed down to me (Hi Mom and Dad).
After sheâs interacted with people in some capacity, The Mothership, as I affectionately call her, likes to have her chill-down time. Itâs a âresetâ when the overstimulation of the outside world gets to be too much. Some veggies and ranch and a book, magazine or newspaper (to clip coupons from, of course) and sheâs golden.
My dad, Papa K (as my Instagram handle knows him), has a specific way of doing things. OK, itâs more than specific⦠itâs precise, really, meticulously precise. He likes certain things âjust so.â Certain things are done a certain way and once they are done, he can relax. While this may seem like heâs too fussy, I will challenge anyone to watch him make English muffins with peanut butter and call his process anything less than magical.
I digress.
The point is that I never grew up with anyone saying they were anxious. In fact, I didnât really learn too much about my anxiety until I went to therapy. I learned acceptance while societyâs conversations about mental illness started to become more comfortable. Looking back, I can see behaviors within myself that would definitely qualify. Since Iâve had articles published on The Mighty, Papa K and I have talked a lot about this, and he has determined that I was the one who gave him anxiety. In reality, he realizes his behaviors have originated from a place and for a reason beyond having the âweirdo geneâ as heâd like to say.
Iâm not saying any of this is a bad thing. It just âis,â and this brings me to my next point.
Having this realization does not mean that anyone needs to handle any of us with kid gloves. You know what Iâm talking about. Itâs the whispers of â[they] have anxietyâ when you announce you need to leave a family event earlier than planned. Itâs the exchanged glances when you determine a time for yourself to visit and leave when itâs over. These whispers are accompanied by the unfortunate realization that being OK to talk about your mental illness doesnât make it any less awkward for everyone else.
But itâs not you, itâs them.
You need to remind yourself that what youâve got goinâ on isnât a negative reflection of who you are as a person. Instead of shifting uncomfortably at the sound of those whispers or the side-eye glances, plant your feet and lock your knees. Ground yourself and know you are an unbelievable badass for attending a family function while youâre anxious (they are pretty scary, after all).
Now, I need to address those who are hearing what they may think is a âdramatic excuseâ or an avoidance tactic. Itâs OK to be uncomfortable. You canât relate. But my friends, the kid gloves, whispers and glances are not the way. Neither is telling the anxious âyou need to focus on what you can control.â They are.
Another bad response is suggesting we âlet it go.â Because in my opinion? Thereâs nothing worse than entertaining the thought of âletting goâ ie: flying into an open void to the tune of the same name. You all know what Iâm talking about.
So all you non-anxious âcool-cucumberâ types, trust that we, the anxious, know how to do best for ourselves. We know you care, but we donât need to know all of the ways you think we could do better for ourselves. Kindly direct your energy elsewhere. I mean, we know you care and all, but wouldnât you want to be doing something more fun? All of the problematic-but-awesome VH1 reality TV shows from the early 2000s are on Hulu at the moment and from what I âhearâ they are pretty entertaining.
To my anxious homies, you keep doinâ you. You may not have it all figured out right now, but youâre the one who swings the bat on what works and what doesnât. Youâll get there.
Iâll get there too.
source https://www.programage.com/news/When_Others_Offer_Unsolicited_Advice_on_My_Anxiety_1595343615271144.html
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