
Iâve been on autopilot for almost six months. Letâs talk about that.
Wake-up, take meds, go to bathroom, brush teeth, sit on couch and watch TVÂ â repeat x1000.
It happens to the best of us, regardless of any sort of condition. I suspect though that for those of us diagnosed with a mental illness, as I am, this is a common struggle.
This isnât my first time here, but it might be my longest. I can definitively blame COVID-19 for some of it. The new societal norms of COVID likely triggered it for me, but as someone diagnosed with major depressive disorder and who has symptoms of anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), I pretty well place the blame on their shoulders for keeping it up for so long.
I havenât written anything since March, and I love writing. I havenât been doing drawings, photography, Lego building or any other of my creative pursuits for just as long. I havenât been able to read a book. Iâve washed the same 20 pieces of clothing repeatedly. Iâve streamed more shows than I can name and could tell you very little plot line. Iâve gone to work, gone through the day, come back to my couch, on repeat. For days and days, weeks and weeks and months and months.
Are you there autopilot? Itâs me, Heidi. Letâs break up.
What is it autopilot and why do we do it?
âGoing on autopilotâ can be one of those basic phrases we hear in daily life, but donât precisely have a definition for. Autopilot in the true sense of the word refers to a computer system that automatically controls particular aspects of airplanes and ships. As far as humans go, it means to go about life without much thought, doing things mindlessly or simply out of habit.
Itâs undeniable this is normal and can even be helpful. If every day we had to slowly think through all the steps we take to wash our hair or make scrambled eggs, life wouldnât move very quickly. This was the whole point of the dreaded times table quizzes and WPM typing tests (p.s. Iâm old). It can also help us get boring stuff done, for example cleaning while also being able to concentrate on something more fun like music or TV.
Autopilot can also be a coping mechanism that becomes unhealthy.
Unhealthy coping is generally born out of past experiences, and itâs likely it was quite useful at some point. It may even still be OK in small doses. In my experience though, mental illness doesnât mix well with doing things in moderation, hence the past six months.
How are autopilot and mental illness connected? Iâd like to offer the following thoughts:
1. Dissociation is basically autopilot to the extreme.
Dissociation occurs in dissociative disorders and is also a common symptom of PTSD and certain personality disorders. It can also play a roll in depression and anxiety. Dissociation is a disconnection from the self. In my case, I can feel so disconnected that I stare at the wall for hours.
2. The âinability to focus and concentrateâ is on many of the mental illness symptom lists.
I know for myself this plays big into the autopilot struggle. For example, Iâll find for months I canât concentrate on a book and will instead mindlessly binge through multiple Netflix series as a result.
3. Anhedonia is a symptom of depression referring to the inability to feel pleasure.
If nothing interests you any more, going on autopilot can seem pretty appealing, as it has for me. Iâve had times where the things I typically love such as art, photography, drawing and even writing bring me no happiness or enjoyment. My thinking then often becomes if I canât concentrate or even enjoy anything, I may as well do some wall staring â and as I mentioned above, Iâll do just that.
4. Another symptom that can pop up in mental illness is the âinability to make decisions.â
Again our good friend autopilot works well for this. Canât decide? No problem, never make any decisions again by just doing the same thing over and over again. Itâs boring, but itâs easy.
5. Withdrawal from society is a huge player in many mental illnesses, and is bound to feed into our old friend autopilot.
Friends, family and society at large have this pesky habit of trying to get us to do stuff, and often times that stuff is ânew and interesting.â Like checking out the latest movie or trying an improved menu item. Avoiding people = avoiding experiences = keeping autopilot happy and safe.
6. Sleep and autopilot are twins.
Being tired and sleeping too much is another common symptom. And maybe itâs just me, but not a lot of thought occurs once Iâm sleeping. As a person who struggles with depression, Iâve done my fair share of snoozing. Sometimes yes itâs because Iâm exhausted from fighting battles with my mind, but more often than not itâs to get away from those battles and the pain. Sleep is an escape, and it takes little effort. It also perpetuates depression in an unfortunate loop, but thatâs a whole other issue.
There are probably many other ways autopilot and mental illness are connected, but those are the ones that came to mind for me.
Since youâve made it this far, Iâd also like to share some suggestions on combatting this, because the fact that Iâm even writing this should be a clue that my six months of hypnosis are now over. Here are my suggestions:
1. Do something totally different
Iâm sitting writing this on a farm where I booked myself a little staycation. Iâve never done anything like this before. Low and behold, since being here Iâve done photography, gone on walks, read over a 100 pages of a book, written this â and Iâm still here two more days. Yes I could have just turned on the TV and stayed in a type of âvacation autopilot,â but the point is I didnât. Sometimes we need to jump-start the brain, if it likes it or not.
A little trip like this isnât possible for all, but there are other things you can do, even with COVID restrictions. Go for a walk on a path youâve never taken, listen to the podcast youâve always wanted to hear, try cooking something from another culture, write letters to your relatives. I know itâs not easy to do; trust me, as someone who sometimes battles to just put on socks, I get it. Regardless, by pushing yourself just a little bit, you may find you can escape the doldrums.
2. Enlist Help
Remember the point about isolation? Let those pesky people into your life! Those friends who like doing stuff and trying new things are who you need; donât push them away. If COVID stops you from in-person meetings, you can still visit online or on the phone. Ask that âannoying personâ in your life if they have something theyâve been meaning to learn or try, and join them in doing it. They will encourage you and your relationship will likely grow.
Donât have a lot of friends? No problem! This is the perfect time to make some new ones. With many people and programs being forced online, this can be your opportunity to make new connections all while avoiding some of the awkward in-person stuff. The Mighty itself can be a great place to meet new people; you can try joining a group or just post a hello.
3. Accept It
This is likely not a suggestion you were expecting, and that is understandable considering it seems counter-productive to what Iâve been saying. So hear me out. âAccepting itâ has to do with the theory of âradical acceptance.â Radical acceptance suggests that if we can accept reality, as it is, we release ourselves from the suffering of trying to deny its existence. Sounds simple, but itâs actually pretty hard.
It doesnât mean you approve of the issue or you donât try to change, but that you donât fight with reality. It is how it is. An exciting side effect of this is that by being honest and compassionate with ourselves, a lot of magic can happen, and it can allow for more critical thinking. Remember when I mentioned unhealthy coping? If you can get yourself into the mindset of radical acceptance you may be able to uncover when and why you developed autopilot as a coping method, and even more exciting, you may be able to come up with a more healthy approach. Iâm personally still a work in progress with this, but Iâm making steps (sidenote: this can be great stuff to work through with a therapist!)
Do you struggle with going on autopilot? Have you ever connected it to a mental health diagnosis you may have? Have you found that the ânew normalâ of COVID-19 has triggered autopilot in you, or made it more difficult for you to get out of? Have you discovered why you go into autopilot mode? What has helped you to get out of it? Iâd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!
If you enjoyed this article, please take a moment to check out some of my other articles here on The Mighty. If youâd like to follow along with my journey, you can find me on Instagram as @mentalhealthyxe.
source https://www.programage.com/news/6_Ways_Going_on_Autopilot_and_Mental_Illness_are_Connected_1597244416402951.html
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