
I feel like Iâm made of eggshells. The broken pieces fall to the floor for you to tiptoe around. Sometimes I throw them like confetti, other times a bomb. One misstepâone piece crushed under your heel or gently brushed by your footâsounds an alarm. Sometimes nothing happens and you exhale with relief. Other times I become a tearful, insecure nightmare asking why you donât love me, even though youâve loved me deeply and passionately for years. And then there are times my shell becomes impenetrable and I keep you at armâs length with my anger, irritability, hurtful words, dirty looks and worst of all, silence.
The storm of depression, anxiety, childhood trauma and forced menopause swirl around me and I lose my footing. Other times Iâm stronger than Iâve ever been and temper the storm. You never know how Iâll respond, so you prepare for the worst and hope for the best. The truth is, I never know how Iâll respond, either. I never wanted to be this person.
It breaks my heart that you must tread lightly because you deserve only the best of meâmy biting humor; the off-kilter way I see the world that makes you laugh; my soft heart that loves deeply and unconditionally; my willingness to give you everything I have; my heart that belongs only to you; how I would sacrifice my life for yours without a second thought; and the love notes I slip under your pillow. You see the best and worst of me. I ask you how you could possibly love me and my broken shell.
We fell headfirst into a timeless love affairâour true selves intertwined, our bond unbreakable even during the most fragile times. When Iâm at my worst, you love all my broken pieces, and at my best, you love me just the same.
Iâve given you broken shells and youâve helped me piece them back together in such a beautiful wayâlike a Fabergé egg decorated with gold and garlands of diamonds. You help me see the beauty in the broken pieces glued together with love and compassion. You make me feel whole and I am forever grateful.
source https://www.programage.com/news/What_I_Want_to_Say_to_My_Husband_About_My_Depression_1598619618658346.html
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