
Iâd always heard that recovery from an eating disorder is a journey and not a destination. I didnât always like hearing that and didnât always believe it to be true, but four years later I still have that voice in the back of my head that entices me to engage in my eating disorder behaviors. While I used to only hear the eating disorder voice, I now have my recovery voice that fights back. My head is filled with constant bickering between the two as they fight for control over my thoughts.
I can say that Iâve made a lot of improvement over the last few years, but that doesnât mean I donât struggle. Sometimes it feels like Iâm coasting and nothing can stop me, but then something comes along and Iâm forced to stop. To me, these pit stops are reminders that I still have work to do and am still on the road to recovery. Theyâre there to tell me to pause and reevaluate where I am and where Iâve been going.
I recently came across a box of clothes I had forgotten about. The box contained my âskinny clothes.â I was immediately forced to a halting stop. Iâd saved these things from the days I was underweight in the hopes that I would one day be able to fit into them again. Even though Iâd forgotten Iâd kept these clothes, I didnât want to get rid of them once they again came into my consciousness. I immediately went back to running numbers through my head â calculating months, calories, sizes, weights, everything.
I wish I could say I found the box and was able to get rid of it right away, but that isnât the truth. I continued to hold onto those clothing items for months with the desire to wear them again. It was the first time in a while something made me acknowledge my challenges with food and body image. Eventually, though, I was able to face my fears and get rid of them.
Accepting the reality of where Iâm at with my eating disorder isnât easy. Iâd like to believe Iâll never struggle again, but I know this is likely something Iâll have to be aware of for the rest of my life. I need to pay attention to my eating habits because I know my emotions and thoughts can get in the way of being healthy.
source https://www.programage.com/news/What_I_Realized_When_I_Finally_Got_Rid_of_My__Skinny__Clothes_1603580415279207.html
0 commentaires:
Publier un commentaire