
The silence is loud
When itâs your own voice
Screaming inside your head
Trying to convince you
To drown yourself in the sheets
Of your own bed.
A conversation in my headâ¦
Iâm tired. Can I just stay in bed today?
No!
One day in bed isnât going to kill me. Iâm not depressed, at least I donât think itâs depression. Iâm just tired. Maybe my body just needs to rest.
No, you need to get up. You need to do something productive.
But, Iâm not feeling right.
You need to put food out for the stray cats. You need to work on your writing. You said you wanted to focus on that so you have to do it. You havenât even gone for a walk in over a week, youâve just been sitting on your fat ass writing and watching TV. You need to get up.
Maybe Iâm getting sick, but I donât think I am. I donât feel sad, I havenât even thought about killing myself lately⦠well until now that I just mentioned it. But it wasnât an active thought I was just saying it to prove a point. I just feel tired. I just feel like I need more sleep. I just want to lie here.
You got almost 10 hours of sleep. Youâre tired because you slept too much. Youâre tired because you donât do anything. Youâre tired because you need to exercise your body and your mind. All you do is complain and make excuses. Youâre not trying hard enough. You donât want it badly enough.
I do. I just get so overwhelmed. Thinking about it is exhausting.
Less thinking, more doing!
My body hurts. My head hurts. I just want to lay here a little longer.
Get up!
I do want to get up and go for a walk. I do want to get up and write. I do want to get up and cook something. I do want to get up and shower. I do want to do all these things but thereâs so many things. I donât know where to start.
All Iâm hearing are excuses. If you want to do all these things just get up off your fat ass and do all these things. No one is stopping you but you. No one is keeping you in this bed or in this apartment. Itâs all in your head.
Youâre in my head!
Youâre gonna be a fat, lazy, pathetic, unemployed, loser your whole life because you wont do what you know you need to do!
Iâm trying.
Not hard enough.
Please stop!
Make me!
OK, Iâm up. Iâm up.
Can you relate? Let Lyndsey know in the comments below.
Follow this journey on Into the Darkness.
source https://www.programage.com/news/The_Morning_Inner_Monologue_of_Someone_With_Depression_1605319215353669.html
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