
Ever since I had my daughter, Iâve made a conscious effort not to talk about my body in a negative light, talk about dieting or get on a scale in front of her.
I do this in hopes that she develops a healthy body image, unlike her mama who struggles with body image and weight on an almost daily basis.
I donât want her to suffer the way I have. I have an eating disorder â binge eating disorder. Iâve gained and lost the same pounds over and over. I even had gastric sleeve surgery and had a tummy tuck and breast reduction because I was so unhappy with my body. And still, I suffer.
But hereâs the thing â if I know I shouldnât do those things in front of my daughter, why do I do them at all?
Thereâs no reason to talk to myself any way but kind. My body has carried and birthed two beautiful babies. And even though Iâve had some struggles with my weight, my body has been good to me. Itâs not my bodyâs fault that I havenât always treated it right. My body is deserving of love and appreciation. And it needs grace and patience.
Sometimes the way I talk to myself isnât the nicest â and Iâm trying to change that â but I would be heartbroken if I ever heard my daughter (or son) say these things about herself:
Youâre fat.
Youâre ugly.
Your stomach is huge.
Nobody will love you if youâre fat.
Itâs not going to be easy undoing all the damage (physical and mental), but itâs time for change.
Last month, my parents came to visit for my daughterâs birthday and they stayed at our house. I have no idea why, but I was embarrassed that I had gained some weight. I felt guilty and shamed even though my parents are so loving and supportive. They would never mention my weight gain.
Hereâs the scary part of the story â we have wood floors in our house and I noticed that while they were here, I tiptoed around the house.
I tiptoed around the house because I gained weight and my footsteps sounded heavier (in my head).
I literally thought my footsteps âsounded fatâ â silly, I know. So silly.
Iâm a little embarrassed telling this story, but Iâm more bewildered. Even my therapist was bewildered. How can I be that damaged about my body?
To reverse the damage, I have to silence my inner critic. She can be so mean and hateful. When an ugly thought about myself pops up, I simply say, âStop,â I tell myself that thought doesnât serve me. That Iâm doing my best to be healthy (I quit Diet Coke and started eating healthier), and thatâs all I can do. I say something positive about myself. I donât know if the negative self talk will always be there, but I canât let my inner critic gain control again. If I tell myself negative things all the time, Iâll start to believe them. Iâll slip into a depressive episode. Iâll stop taking care of myself. I canât afford any of that. And I have to remember that my kids are watching and listening. They need to see me taking care of myself and loving myself.
Also, my voice will become their inner voice. How I talk to them is how they will talk to themselves, and that alone is enough to make me walk the straight and narrow. I want them to love themselves, because they are amazing, and I hope they never know any different.
Itâs not easy, and I have a long road to undo some of the damage of hating myself but itâs worth the work.
Below are some body positive affirmations that help me:
- My body deserves love and respect
- Food is not the enemy and I thank the food I eat for nourishing me
- My weight isnât tied to my worth
- I am beautiful
- I love myself
- I love my body, as it is today
- I accept my body the way it is
Iâm hoping the more I say those things, the more I start believing them. Like I said, my kids are watching and thatâs more than enough reason to start loving myself.
Follow this journey on Unruly Neurons.
source https://www.programage.com/news/I_m_Being_Nicer_to_My_Body_for_My_Daughter_1610659808319999.html
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