
Accepting this new reality, my chronic illness journey, is daunting. Itâs not what I envisioned my life would look like. Itâs not a complication I fully anticipated. I thought Iâd work on my health and I would feel better. I didnât expect Iâd get worse.
I come from a family with rare diseases. Iâve watched chronic illness, sometimes on a daily basis. I was aware of what that looked like. Now, I guess I know what that feels like, too.
Itâs hard to live in a body that feels like itâs sabotaging your future, like your body is giving up on your dreams without any say from you. Iâve fought hard to survive and also to thrive and move forward from so much. I had just started to grab ahold of a brightening future and relished in the newfound freedom that comes with concentrating on myself. I had just begun to celebrate. Chronic illness had to go and crash the party.
I understand life isnât always sunshine and rainbows and easy days; Iâve known that even before chronic illness started kicking my butt. There will be tough days in each of our lives. I think thatâs pretty much one of lifeâs guarantees. But illness? Chronic conditions without cures? I donât think many of us can ever be adequately prepared to learn that news.
Society has taught us if you feel sick, you go to the doctor. Rarely, if at all, has it prepared us for the reality of a doctor having no cure, no diagnosis and in some cases, no idea whatâs making us sick. We get sick believing weâll eventually get better, but unfortunately, thatâs not always the way it works.
Because of this, weâre left with the only choice to accept our current reality of being chronically ill. Acceptance is a huge roadblock on my journey. Granted, Iâm going to my appointments, seeing my doctors and heeding their instructions. Iâm following my current treatment plan. But have I really accepted this is my reality? No.
I think there is a certain element of grief that comes along with being told you have an incurable or long-term illness. There is a loss that will inevitably have to be grieved. In my case, that loss is the loss of control, of understanding my life will look different, that my future will always include sickness. Itâs the grieving of losing a life you may have had, but is now gone.
What gives me hope is that eventually the grief will lift and acceptance will be my companion on this journey. Will there be days the grieving will return and I will fight acknowledging this is my reality? Yes. But, I know that not only is this natural, but OK. Itâs OK to mourn what chronic illness took from you. Itâs also important to celebrate what it has given, too.
Like, the fact I treasure unconditional love, the same love I gave those dear to me with chronic health conditions before I even started my own battle.
It showed me patience. To be patient with others and also with myself. Itâs about understanding itâs going to be slow moving quite often, but slow is still forward momentum.
Itâs taught me to embrace what I can do. There will be days I canât always do what I want or typically would, but on the days I can, Iâm going to bask in each moment.
Iâm proud of me. I often forget this one, but it doesnât ring any less true. I am proud, proud of the fighter inside of me, of the person who has fought to take care of myself, of not giving up even on the days I feel like it.
Iâm proud of myself, just as Iâm proud of every chronic illness warrior out there. No, we didnât ask to be part of this community, but itâs a community Iâm honored to be a part of. And thatâs one more thing that my sickness gave me ⦠a community of warriors who understand.
source https://www.programage.com/news/When_Chronic_Illness_Leaves_You_Struggling_With_Acceptance_1610670607886295.html
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